Disney's 'Saving Private Boromir'
by The Experimental Film
Summary: A collaboration of The Long Name Ending in Cookie and HyperMew, this fic takes the Fellowship of the Ring to Walt Disney World, in order to find Boromir and bring him home. Read it! Review it! Now!


**Disney's 'Saving Private Boromir'**  
by HyperMew and The Long Name Ending in Cookie 

Disclaimer (by Cookie): Neither of us is in any way affiliated with The Lord of the Rings (books or movies) or anything to do with Disney. By the same token Disney has nothing to do with this story, nobody there helped us in any way (the bums), we just used their name in the title because we can :D.

A/N (by HyperMew): Hey, everyone. This is a fanfic about the Lord of the Rings by me and TLNEiC. Um, it really has nothing to do with Saving Private Ryan, so don't expect any references.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" screamed Gimli from the back of the minivan. The entire fellowship had been jammed in an old Ford Caravan in preparation for their next "mission" (as Pippin called them)—to find Boromir, and bring him home. They had been searching for him for quite a while—but they finally had a cinching clue. He had been seen in Walt Disney World.

"No, Gimli," called Legolas, sitting in the passenger's seat. "We haven't even backed out of Elrond's driveway yet."

"Well let's bloody well do it!" blazed Gimli. "I have to use the bathroom!"

"Already?"

"Yes!"

"You can hold it, you fool," Gandalf muttered. He began to recite a spell under his breath, angling his staff so it pointed toward Gimli.

"What're you doing?" Gimli shouted. "Oh, wait. I don't have to pee anymore. Goooood..." The dwarf swayed in his seat for a second, then collapsed with a klunk.

"Heh," chuckled Gandalf. It wasn't often that he got to use his Mindaway spell. When everyone's back was turned, he pocketed a bottle filled with mist, labeled "Gimli's Conciousness". At least, he thought nobody was looking.

"What's that?" asked Merry. "Food? Can I have some?"

"Um, no. It wouldn't be good for hobbits."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so!"

"Aw, man! Pleeeeeze?"

Gandalf rolled his eyes. He decided to let Gimli's consciousness back into its body. When Gimli was awake, all the hobbits would usually shut up.

* * *

A few hours later... (said in a French accent, like the narrator guy on SpongeBob)

* * *

The Fellowship pulled into the rest stop, after Aragorn finally gave in to the hobbits' and Gimli's whining. "Yaaaay! Rest stop!" Merry and Pippin yelled, leaping out the open windows of the van and beginning to run around on the grass. "Yaaaah!"

"Hey, look!" Sam shouted. "It's Anakin! I want his autograph!" The hobbit pulled open the side door and ran toward the Jedi.

"Anakin?" Legolas asked.

"Stupid 'future' action movies," Gimli started grumbling. "Stealing all our glory!"

"Uh, Star Wars is like, the most popular series of all time," Frodo said quietly. "It makes sense that there'd be more slobbering fans. Including Sam."

"But this be OUR mission!" Gimli growled. "If he doesn't get out of here in a few seconds, he'll meet the receiving end of my axe!"

"Now, now. No need to be angry," Aragorn said. "It's not his fault all the ladies like him more than you."

"WHAT?"

"All right, enough," said Legolas firmly. "Aragorn, if you're going to be driving, inciting riots would be a bad idea. And Gimli, decapitating Anakin will only prove that I'm right and you DO need anger management."

"Raise your hand, anyone, if you'd hold decapitating Aragorn against me," growled Gimli.

"Don't rise to his childish digs. You have just as large a fan following as Sam." Legolas then sniggered. "I.e., about three people. We all know I'm the major lady-pleaser in this fellowship."

"Please this!" snarled Gimli and dived over the seats to attack Legolas instead.

A few feet away, Anakin looked over Sam's shoulder (which wasn't difficult given their respective heights) and raised one eyebrow. "Are they friends of yours?"

Sam turned around and beheld the car that was shaking, bouncing and barely containing the full-scale brawl within. Embarrassment crossed his face. "Um, no, they're a… a tour group."

* * *

One hour later… (same French accent)

* * *

The "tour group" were once again en route to their destination, with a little help from Gandalf's "Mindaway" spell. It tended to leave people a little dazed and quite placid when their minds were restored, so a relative peace had descended on the car. Said car was weaving all over the road, since Aragorn was still not quite on this planet.

"Dangit, Aragorn! Wake up!" Gandalf yelled, slapping him violently. As full consciousness returned to the King, his driving got a little better. But that didn't help the fact that about four patrol cars were following them. Pulling off hit-and-runs (even if they were unconsciously done) can cause that.

"Stop in the name of the law!" Treebeard shouted. The Ents had been able to find very good jobs by now. They had branched (get it?) all over the world by now, assuming different jobs and positions of power. An Ent was currently a dictator in Russia. But no one suspected a takeover. Humans are so crazy.

"I said stop!" Treebeard yelled again, slamming his roots on the gas pedal and radioing his backup to do the same. Aragorn paid no notice, however, and classified the noise in his mind as "Gimli in his sleep". Gandalf began thinking "Mindaway" was a bit too strong.

By now, all five vehicles were going over 80 mph, though this was more due to the fact that Pippin had been squirting Super Glue all over the gas pedal in the van. Aragorn hadn't quite realized this yet, which explained the fact why he was increasing his speed non-stop.

Finally, Treebeard got so P.O.'d that he pulled out his pistol and began firing at the wayward automobile. As the bullets smashed through the rear window, Gimli finally woke up from the spell and demanded to go to the bathroom.

"You can't right now," replied Gandalf.

"And why not?"

"Because we're being shot at. If you could reach Legolas with your axe and tap him awake, we could probably blow their tires."

"Fine then."

At this moment, a bullet punched another hole through the glass and embedded itself in Gimli's helmet. Though it wasn't enough to kill him, the resulting vibrations pounded his head against the inside of the helm and effectively knocked him out with a painful concussion.

Gandalf shook his head. "Crap."

* * *

_to be continued…

* * *

_

That was Chapter One of Disney's 'Saving Private Boromir'! Review now!


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